these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
