u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
