when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it glows. i had to have it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
