Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
