Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
