What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
