anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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