if i can run in heels then i can drive
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
