apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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