The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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