I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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