Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
