Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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