Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think your dad took our porno
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
