i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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