No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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