So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
