these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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