i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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