If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize