dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
