i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
