Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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