dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize