i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I touched a dick in church today
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize