I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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