it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is Oprah even human
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
