the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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