did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
