apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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