What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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