I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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