In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
