lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
