you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize