Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
