Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Quick, to the slutcave!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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