my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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