he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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