omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
They should really pass out barf bags in church
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
