Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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