I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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