Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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