To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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