the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
