My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
