Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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