I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
