no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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