It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
