Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
