he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize