True but thats because hes a fetus.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
