ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
