I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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