Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
