You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize