Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
