my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
