We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize