Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
