I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
