I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
