guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
