He kissed a someone with a penis
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
