I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
