I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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