Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize