he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Randomize
