I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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