I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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