The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
