the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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