You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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