The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
